Our clients truly drive our blog content. It never ceases to amaze me when clients receive ambiguous RSVPs, too many RSVPs or guests who don't even bother to RSVP. As event planners, we see this all the time, but the the clients who are collecting the numbers for their big day, this is a stress that is more common than one would believe.
GUIDE FOR GUESTS!
If person takes the time to send you a $5-$20 card that has details to their special event, courteously let them know that you are or are not able to attend.
It is important to realize that an invitation sent to you will identify who is invited. There are several ways to recognize who is invited. (and if that is not clear, it is totally okay to contact the person who invited you and request further detail...remember not to react negatively if the response is not what you are expecting.)
1) The outer envelope: Often times, outer envelopes show Mr. and Mr. John Smith and Family. It would be safe to assume that the entire family is invited to the event. If the envelope excludes "and Family" then further information is needed. When an outer envelope shows Ms. Jill Smith and Guest, it is safe to assume that Jill Smith can bring one date to the event. 
2) The inner envelope or belly band: If things are not clear on the outer envelope they get more clear as your peel the layers! The inner envelope or the belly band (a band that goes around the formal invitation) also holds keys to determining who is invited. When the inner envelope shows John, Mary, Suzie and Tommy Smith, then you know that your children are invited. (or other members of your household) If the band shows only Ms. Jill Smith then you can assume that you are not permitted to bring a date. 
3) The RSVP card: The final place to determine who is invited is the RSVP card. This card often has information printed on the card that can help you identify how many are invited. For example, if a family of 4 (two adults and two kids) receive a RSVP card that is similar to the one on the left, and the number of reserved seats is (2) then it is safe to assume that the children are not invited.
There is just one other place you can look for information that is gaining in popularity: the event website. Couples often create a wedding website, and events have a site or a page where you can register, get info or directions. If you know the site or if it is listed on the invite, check there first. Again, if you are still unclear, contact the people who invited you.
What NOT TO DO!
- Leave your name off the response card (and or the name of your guest/kids/spouse etc)
- Show up with out RSVPing
- Invite a date when you were not permitted to
- Bring children to an event that has specified "no children" or get upset and harass the hosts if other children are permitted to attend and yours are not.
GUIDE FOR CLIENTS!
Be sure to be clear to your invited guests as to who can come or not. You can use invitation wording and RSVP card wording to get your point across. Remember, it's your event.
- Keep your information consistent and clear
- Don't be offended if someone asks you about guests or kids. It is better to ask in advance. The other option is that they show up with unwanted/uninvited guests.
- If you have an event website, keep it up-to-date and include a page for invitation info
- Number your guest list and number the backs of each RSVP card (trust me, you will be glad you did when a guest sends a card back without a name- happens more than you'd think"
- Leave yourself enough time to make calls to those who you have not received RSVPs from, especially the guests that you want or expect to be there. The last thing you'd want to do is to have them show up and you were not expecting them.
- Have contingency plans for unexpected or uninvited guests. Some clients are more accommodating and will allow the venue or planner to make room for those unexpected guests, while others require a more strict policy, not on the list, not allowed in. A middle ground is: allowing unexpected guest to be seated in the locations of the guests who did RSVP but did not attend (there will be some). Any versions is acceptable. Do what is best for your budget, sanity and level of comfort.
Happy Planning!
{Olivia}
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